go west handbook – the blog

Ningaloo Reef

Christ a panadol would still have a headache after a night on the goon! Two hours after getting told to call it a night a bang came on the tent door, bad news was being delivered. We were kindly told to vacate the premises immediately all because the Liverpool girls couldn’t keep it down, cheers girls for giving us a bad name.

So up we packed and tore off in search of a new home, but unfortunately we were told we weren’t welcome in the surrounding campsites. Before we could go any further, Darren had to go for his daily check up on his gangrene ridden foot, definitely worse then Eugene’s toes. Darren was told he would need skin grafts and Finto being a guilty party kindly donated the skin from his arse. Was the least he could do in fairness but luckily Darren declined.

Darren got taped up and off we went in search of new lodgings. 35 kilometres later we hit our destination lucky for them they had no phone coverage so we were in the clear. Quickly got the tent up and off to one of the best places in the world to do snorkelling, Ningaloo reef. Nigel, Finto and Euge went off snorkelling while Steve volunteered to babysit Darren. Well he says he volunteered but the truth is he just can’t swim. No conscience that young Goss has!

None of us have been to the Great Barrier Reef but we had been told that Ningaloo is every bit as good if not better. Met the scouse girls again aswell as Shane, Jimmy and Niall who like every other time we seen them had a bottle of Tuohey’s Extra Dry welded to their hands. Jimmy showed all us Irish how to properly apply suncream in order to avoid those harmful rays. Darren and Steve then showed him an even better way which was achieved through putting on nearly all the clothes they owned as well as a nice woolly hat. Slightly sweatier approach!

How to apply suncream

After a couple of top quality hours at the reef it was time for a spot of lunch, do you really need to know what we had! The lads had to drop the gear back. Finto was freaking as his snorkelling gear had to be back on time, although it was only a 5 minute trip, they still had an hour to spare. We all tried to calm him down but the vein in his head started throbbing so we know it was time to back away. Such an angry man! Back to the site, low and behold who did we bump into… Them pikies from Liverpool who got us barred from every campsite in Exmouth. But like the gents we are, we forgave them but probably only because they were good looking. Steve and Finto decided to do the 70km round trip for our loyal friend Stanley, the king of goon. If you’re wondering the vein had gone down but he was still kind of angry.

Time for a quick shower to freshen up and for Eugene to endure another one of his daily vomits. At least this time he had a valid excuse. After brushing his teeth he reached for a Listerine bottle that he spotted in the back of the car. Not knowing that Nigel had poured ‘Radox for men,containing sea minerals and herbal extracts’ into a Listerine bottle, he not only gargled it but drank the remainder of the Radox that was in his mouth causing him to vomit uncontrollably all over the campsite to both the disgust and confusion of many elderly neighbouring pensioners. Only realising what had happened when 5 minutes later bubbles constantly flowed from his Ph Balanced mouth.

Drinking away, happy out when this old goblin comes and out of nowhere gives us the marching orders at exactly 10 bells. Nigel came up with possibly the best line of the trip, forget Martin Luther, this was genius. See quote of the day. So back to tent to finish the end of our fine wine. Decided to call it a night, wanna know why? Nigel told his vegetarian joke AGAIN, no one laughed AGAIN. He started to get thick AGAIN. Neighbourhood watch was called in to calm the scene, such a bad joke.

Quote of the day: At ten o clock on the button one horrible old woman tries to put our night to an abrupt end when Nigel replies;”Ah will you go to bed will ya, if it wasn’t for medicine you’d be dead by now”.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 14th, 2009 at 10:31 am and is filed under Irish go west. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.