go west handbook – the blog

Day 10
02/08/09

A slight pattern was beginning to develop; a goon hangover isn’t the nicest way to start the day. We struggled to get Darren up as his face was surgically attached to the floor of the tent with the amount of saliva flowing out from his mouth. The porridge was made but as we had no sugar t drown it in, the chore of trying to force feed ourselves a bowl of gruel that was resembling one of Eugene’s daily vomits was too much. Steve only managed two spoons and threw in the towel quicker than Darren would in a Thai boxing match (check out this video of Darren and Eugene boxing the head off each other thai style, brotherly love). The alcohol must have still been in the system because we all managed to get up by 8.30 to meet our local tour guide Capes. We even managed to fit in a bit of dolphin feeding. The resort staff feed the female dolphins up to 3 times a day when they approach the beach in front of large crowds.

Darren ‘Capes’ Capewell runs an indigenous tour at Monkey Mia explaining and demonstrating aboriginal culture and history. Capes’s is probably just as knowledgeable on Irish culture as he is on Aboriginal culture for he spotted the five hung over heads on us straight away. So off we went through the bush for a trek under the scorching sun. Of course being as organised as we are, didn’t bother bringing a bottle of water with us. With mouths on us as dry as Ghandi’s sandal we tried some bush tucker to quench the thirst. Capes showed us all the different plants and there uses from food to those used for medicinal purposes. It was great to hear Capes speaking his native language to the wildlife. He has great respect for the land and the animals and plants that grow on it. He spoke to a bird which he said would follow us on our tour, couldn’t understand a word he said as I don’t speak Aboriginal but I reckon he said something about the Italian and his three sons.

We moved on, Capes continuously pointed out different animal tracks, edible plants and places of historical importance. At the top of a hill, we had an amazing view of Monkey Mia and the turquoise coastline. Capes pointed out a pearl farm where Aboriginal women were made dive for pearls when pregnant. The English used to impregnate the women as this would increase their oxygen supply and allow them to dive for longer. We told him about group favourite Damian Dempsey’s “The Colony”. Cape’s ya better learn that on the didgeridoo. We came to a spot where Capes has campfires beside his dogs grave and stopped for some nuts, who popped up only the monkey from coco pops (nigel) to crack the nuts open for everyone. Finally the aussie gave us some water after Capes pointed out that Finto and Darren were about to collapse. The bird that had been following us all day suddenly swooped down and pinched the most convincing wig ever right off the head of the Italian who turns out to be a cousin of Des Kelly the carpet man.

Capes gave us another lesson (pure fountain of knowledge) this time on different Aboriginal communities throughout Australia and their complex system of marriage which the Irish pikey’s could learn a lot from. The tour came to an end but Capes told the five of us to get some badly needed food and water into us and he would take us on a tour of the coast. For more info on Capes’ tours, click here.

Splashed out on lunch, crisp sandwiches. Headed down to the beach to shake the last of the hangover got talking to Rebecca who runs the kayak and boat rental on the beach. Sound girl, good bit of banter out of her. Got the kayaks for free, Steve insisted on wearing a life jacket despite being told the water is only two foot deep. Apparently he still wears one in the bath and a rubber ring at the sink. Paddling along through the crystal clear water with the sun belting down over the beautiful setting of Monkey Mia will not be forgotten. Capes filled us in on even more Aboriginal history and the problems that face his people in modern day Australia. Taking in more information was made a lot easier after the hangovers had cleared.

We cruised on with Capes pointing out all sorts of life below the water; oysters, crabs, fish and other shellfish. Out of nowhere Capes leapt from his kayak quicker than Steve can jump into a relationship and caught a loggerhead turtle with his bare hands. So it was into the water with all of us to take a photo holding the turtle except for Eugene who wasn’t fit to lift it, them calves are the least of his worries. All this information and activities had worked up a serious thirst so we headed back towards the beach.

On the way, Capes struck a seriously good deal with local fishermen for a huge bag of blue swimmer crabs. Finto almost lost a leg in a near fatal crab attack which apparently kill more people in Monkey Mia than small birds do in Galway. Back to the Monkey bar for a few cold ones. Capes got the crabs in a pot with some fresh sea water for eight minutes exactly…delicious! It’s fair to say we made pigs of ourselves. We had more crabs than a Dublin STD clinic after St.Paddys day. Smelling like a fisherman’s ballbag after being at sea for six months, we headed for the showers. Still hungry after the crab challenge we ordered food from the bar menu, well out of price range but feck it! Minister for finance Darren was not happy with the decision but was quickly overruled after a meeting of top cabinet members. You want to see the look on his face when he got the most miserable portion of casserole ever. Gutting! Darren declared himself back on the military regime of porridge and pasta.

It was the Magna’s turn to do the goon run, Stevie was reluctantly forced into the passenger seat for once and Eugene took control of the wheel. Several hours later the boys returned. Steve had the look of a man who just spent two hours around the back roads of Cavan with Stevie Wonder at the wheel off his head on magic mushrooms. Eugene now had a dog to add to his list of victims, see magna photo for evidence. So the goon casket was unleashed and the banter began.

We met up with Capes for a few drinks and gathered around the campfire nestled in a cool chilled out spot underneath some trees. The group got an Aboriginal orchestra on the go. Capes on the didge, Darren strumming guitar, Eugene banging the bongo, Finto on shaker, Steve playing with himself while Nigel was still trying to convince everyone and anyone that his vegetarian joke was funny. Darren has obviously been spending too much time with Steve as he headed off to bed early without saying a word to anyone. Weird! Unlucky for him tho, the chef arrived out 15mins later with what must have been the rest of Darren’s dinner. Scotland’s version of Jamie Oliver only stoned cooked some very tasty casserole toasted sandwiches over the campfire. Tasty! The aussie birds almost made the best decision of their lives and went to bed but were persuaded to stay. We wound down the best day of the West coast with a song or two from The Pogue’s and headed back to our own campsite.

If its banter you’re looking for check out our video of us running round the Pinnacles bollock naked! – click here

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 15th, 2009 at 8:31 am and is filed under Irish go west. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.