go west handbook – the blog

Day 13 6/8/09

Road to Exmouth

Stevie after 3 days of not fallin in love

Woke about 8 to the sound of Mick ‘loves the snoring’ Dundee. The loud bastid; we could hear him half way across the campsite and him asleep inside a bloody bus! The Thai bride was no doubt off shooting kangaroos for his breakfast. Dyin disease bastards of flies were back in numbers, See quote of the day. We ate the usual wallpaper paste for breakfast, washed down with the good old orange crush. We had barely decided where we were going when Steve ‘chompin at the bit’ Creaven was off; trail of red dust bailing out the back of the Magna. Seven years in the motor trade my hole, seven years tearing round Salthill arm welded to the window pure hard, he aint bothered bout nauthin!

Arrived in Exmouth at about two o clock. Finto Goss and Eugene Greaney of G&G security services swaggered into the campsite reception and blagged two nights free accommodation. It worked, Yes Bhoys! But unfortunately Fintos “peach epidemic” struck again. Straining to understand the dribble that was coming out of his mouth the receptionist thought he said there were two not a few of us camping. Long story short she changed her mind and only gave us one free night on condition that we only bring one car and one tent into the campsite. So we spent the first hour of our stay in Exmouth trying to squeeze all our camping stuff into one car. Pure Tetris shit, absolute torture! It wasn’t long before we bumped into the three stooges Shane Niall and Jimmy all burnt to a crisp still loving the Carlton Dry, Dry my hole its definitely wet its beer for f**k sake! Jenny and Amy pulled in and parked in the spot next to us and sure enough two mins later Rach and Georgia hoped the fence. 4 for the price of 2 no less! Rach is actually eddy hobbs daughter! Amy oz and Rachel oz our lovely girls turned groupies spotted our tent while passing and called in to say hi. By the way if your reading this Rachel you owe me 20 bucks I didn’t forget that I lent it to you it was just a little awkward asking for it backJ

After polishing off Spag Bol and Goon for dinner we assembled the motley crew round the tent for a bit of a session and a listen to a few of gino’s prank calls on Amanda’s speakers. Mario Rosenstoke, take note this mans unreal at these! The first prank was as Ricky Michaels an ozzy police officer, with a call to Rosie Ryans brother asking him to give a character witness over the phone as Rosie had been arrested for drunk and disorderly behaviour. He then rang Smarthomes (Irelands leader in home wiring solutions) shamless plug, pretending to be John Maughan a respected member of the local pikey community asking to get his caravan fitted out with surround sound. There were people chocking, puking and crying listening to it funniest thing you will ever hear but only because we lost the “Desmond Mackin Please” prank. The session it ended when we finished all the stout, the air mattresses inflated and the sleeping bags rolled out. One by one we fell asleep, Stevie had a dream, he dreamt he didn’t look like that ugly French footballer who plays for that shitty German team.

Quote of the Day: “Look at the amount of flies on me, its like a  f***ing ad for Trocaire”- Gino

                                                                       

 I have to say I’m delighted that the young fella Stevie picked up so many injuries and battle scars across Asia, as his experience is coming in handy dressing my scalded foot. Moral of the story: when sitting around a campfire don’t ask Finto “the firestarter” Goss for a coffee as he’s likely to pour boiling water over one of your exposed limbs. Driving around the town centre; Nigel with the hawk eye spots a chiropractor clinic so we manage to convince Gino to go in and see if they can do anything to help his two big deformed toes. Don’t know how he exposes them to the public! So in he swaggers, up to the doctor and tells him he’s here to get the nails checked. The doc replies “sorry but we only do backs here”. He still doesn’t realise it’s a bleeding chiropodist he needs! So out comes Eugene followed by the doc to be met by us breaking our holes laughing. The kid ends up having the last laugh as he gets a free massage out of it although not of the Thai style like he was hoping. No happy endings here!

Eugene finally copped

Onwards to Exmouth we go taking a 50k detour to see the blowholes near Point Quobba. When the waves come in the water shoots up about 20metres in the air, quality stuff. About 20 meters from shore there’s a load of humpback whales jumping out of the water like Steve jumps into a relationship. We drove on for a few hours and found a spot to pitch our tent about 60k south of Coral bay. Myself and Steve go in search of wood but being the useless gits that we are; come back with not a twig between us so off goes Finto to save the day. He comes back with half the Amazon rain forest.

Not scared of nothin!

In pulls a busted up bus and out comes an old aussie bloke with his young Thai bride. He hands her a saw and a flashlight and sure enough off she goes chopping down trees like a professional lumber jack while he sits and plays the guitar. Nigel ponders why none of the women in his past relationships weren’t as obliging as this wee lass.

Gino collecting firewood while Finto stands doing nothing!

The N Rod starts rustling up a bit of bush tucker for us and somehow sets fire to the pan. Poor Steve’s eyebrows are nearly singed off but sure that wouldn’t be hard they’re bigger than the grand national fences. Then it’s back to the Magna for a spine twisting nights sleep. Still living the dream!!

Story of the trip- Galway lads sitting on there holes

The lads picked up a serious tan

Day 11 3/8/09

Christ above the goon hangovers don’t get any easier and it sure didn’t help Steve’s by him waking up and looking to his left and seeing Darren’s cheek resembling the River Nile with the amount of druel running down his face. And to his right and seeing Finto cocking his right leg and unleashing another volley of toxic gases again.

Steve and Finto went off to feed the dolphins but were unlucky not to be chosen for the feed. The girl handing out the fish was lucky she didn’t get a Spanish mackerel across the forehead. Back to the tent for some breckie and stopped off to pick a loaf of bread for $4.50. The look of disgust and shame on the Minister of Finance’s face was to be seen. Unfortunately there was no butter for the toast but our fellow campers kindly donated again. My word we’re coming across some generous people on our travels!

The crowds waiting for the dolphin beating

Bags packed, cars loaded, it was time to hit the road again. 6 litres of oil later, the Magna’s oil light has stayed on since we left Perth – at least its consistent. Back into Denham town for another Tercel fuel top up, think its bout the 14th now but she’s still going strong. And leaking fumes. Must be the reason the lads always look off there head after every long journey.

Not too long afterwards, Finto’s fast food nose was out again. Eug needed his daily fix as well, in all fairness to the kid he’d nearly gone 12 hours without a chip. He’s honestly getting better! Darren opted for the fried scallops. Turned out to be a bad call considering when he took a bite out of it, it looked like it hadn’t been gutted. Two bad calls in less than 24 hours has the camp at unrest and speculation is rife that he wont be re-elected for the east coast!

Tiger Shark looks like a tiger but completely different

Off to the Ocean Park Marine Exhibition we go and we’re met by Ed the manager. He and the staff have a look at the website, and suddenly there was a burst of laughter and sure enough they’d seen the pic at the Pinnacles! Got a brilliant and in depth tour from guide Dunc. Got to see a 2.3 meter tiger shark and up close look at lemon sharks feeding. Steve thought there was a bird looking at him but she turned out to be cross eyed and was actually taking a fancy to Darren.

Nearly as big as the one Nigel caught

On the road again and not gone 0.5km when the sun and goon caught up with Gino and off he went to the toilet for his daily vomit. So 20 minutes later, with Gino carrying half the stomach he had leaving Monkey Mia, it was time to get on the road to Carnavon. On the journey we took in some savage sites of the sand, massive termite nests and a lot of dead roos. Steve and Darren decided to count the roos in a 5km stretch, 12 dead skippys! By the time we passed the 8th, Steve could see Darren’s mouth watering at the thought of sampling the roadkill. Thankfully Steve kept driving.

Finally got near to Carnavon but the sun was about to set so Steve and Nigel had to pull out there Ace Ventura tactics and drive with the heads out the windows, and in the process narrowly missed getting decapitated by passing road trains. Reached the campsite, so it was time for our Minister for Communication, Nigel, to put into effect some of the words of wisdom that made us elect him into this role. And sure enough “the charmer” produced a 20% discount. He’s definitely got our vote for the east coast!

Economy Air Conditioning

Got the dinner on, compliments of Nigel again. He’s turning out to be a bit of an all rounder on the trip. Plus he LOVES the cooking. Time for the cot afterwards and Steve was talking to Finto. Mid flight of a sentence, the blinkers were on and lights were out for Finto. Shows how interesting Steve is!

Day 10
02/08/09

Look at Steve's arm wrapped round Capes shoulder!

A slight pattern was beginning to develop; a goon hangover isn’t the nicest way to start the day. We struggled to get Darren up as his face was surgically attached to the floor of the tent with the amount of saliva flowing out from his mouth. The porridge was made but as we had no sugar t drown it in, the chore of trying to force feed ourselves a bowl of gruel that was resembling one of Eugene’s daily vomits was too much. Steve only managed two spoons and threw in the towel quicker than Darren would in a Thai boxing match (check out this video of Darren and Eugene boxing the head off each other thai style, brotherly love). The alcohol must have still been in the system because we all managed to get up by 8.30 to meet our local tour guide Capes. We even managed to fit in a bit of dolphin feeding. The resort staff feed the female dolphins up to 3 times a day when they approach the beach in front of large crowds.

Feeding the great whites

Darren ‘Capes’ Capewell runs an indigenous tour at Monkey Mia explaining and demonstrating aboriginal culture and history. Capes’s is probably just as knowledgeable on Irish culture as he is on Aboriginal culture for he spotted the five hung over heads on us straight away. So off we went through the bush for a trek under the scorching sun. Of course being as organised as we are, didn’t bother bringing a bottle of water with us. With mouths on us as dry as Ghandi’s sandal we tried some bush tucker to quench the thirst. Capes showed us all the different plants and there uses from food to those used for medicinal purposes. It was great to hear Capes speaking his native language to the wildlife. He has great respect for the land and the animals and plants that grow on it. He spoke to a bird which he said would follow us on our tour, couldn’t understand a word he said as I don’t speak Aboriginal but I reckon he said something about the Italian and his three sons.

Capes laying down the law!

We moved on, Capes continuously pointed out different animal tracks, edible plants and places of historical importance. At the top of a hill, we had an amazing view of Monkey Mia and the turquoise coastline. Capes pointed out a pearl farm where Aboriginal women were made dive for pearls when pregnant. The English used to impregnate the women as this would increase their oxygen supply and allow them to dive for longer. We told him about group favourite Damian Dempsey’s “The Colony”. Cape’s ya better learn that on the didgeridoo. We came to a spot where Capes has campfires beside his dogs grave and stopped for some nuts, who popped up only the monkey from coco pops (nigel) to crack the nuts open for everyone. Finally the aussie gave us some water after Capes pointed out that Finto and Darren were about to collapse. The bird that had been following us all day suddenly swooped down and pinched the most convincing wig ever right off the head of the Italian who turns out to be a cousin of Des Kelly the carpet man.

Showing us the different Aboriginal countries.

Capes gave us another lesson (pure fountain of knowledge) this time on different Aboriginal communities throughout Australia and their complex system of marriage which the Irish pikey’s could learn a lot from. The tour came to an end but Capes told the five of us to get some badly needed food and water into us and he would take us on a tour of the coast. For more info on Capes’ tours, click here.

Capes bringing us on the sea safari, no sign of any lions tho

Splashed out on lunch, crisp sandwiches. Headed down to the beach to shake the last of the hangover got talking to Rebecca who runs the kayak and boat rental on the beach. Sound girl, good bit of banter out of her. Got the kayaks for free, Steve insisted on wearing a life jacket despite being told the water is only two foot deep. Apparently he still wears one in the bath and a rubber ring at the sink. Paddling along through the crystal clear water with the sun belting down over the beautiful setting of Monkey Mia will not be forgotten. Capes filled us in on even more Aboriginal history and the problems that face his people in modern day Australia. Taking in more information was made a lot easier after the hangovers had cleared.

Darren molested that turtle 2 mins later

We cruised on with Capes pointing out all sorts of life below the water; oysters, crabs, fish and other shellfish. Out of nowhere Capes leapt from his kayak quicker than Steve can jump into a relationship and caught a loggerhead turtle with his bare hands. So it was into the water with all of us to take a photo holding the turtle except for Eugene who wasn’t fit to lift it, them calves are the least of his worries. All this information and activities had worked up a serious thirst so we headed back towards the beach.

Stevie shitting it without his arm bands

On the way, Capes struck a seriously good deal with local fishermen for a huge bag of blue swimmer crabs. Finto almost lost a leg in a near fatal crab attack which apparently kill more people in Monkey Mia than small birds do in Galway. Back to the Monkey bar for a few cold ones. Capes got the crabs in a pot with some fresh sea water for eight minutes exactly…delicious! It’s fair to say we made pigs of ourselves. We had more crabs than a Dublin STD clinic after St.Paddys day. Smelling like a fisherman’s ballbag after being at sea for six months, we headed for the showers. Still hungry after the crab challenge we ordered food from the bar menu, well out of price range but feck it! Minister for finance Darren was not happy with the decision but was quickly overruled after a meeting of top cabinet members. You want to see the look on his face when he got the most miserable portion of casserole ever. Gutting! Darren declared himself back on the military regime of porridge and pasta.

Showing us how to cook crabs

It was the Magna’s turn to do the goon run, Stevie was reluctantly forced into the passenger seat for once and Eugene took control of the wheel. Several hours later the boys returned. Steve had the look of a man who just spent two hours around the back roads of Cavan with Stevie Wonder at the wheel off his head on magic mushrooms. Eugene now had a dog to add to his list of victims, see magna photo for evidence. So the goon casket was unleashed and the banter began.

Nicer than the crabs you'd catch in Thailand

We met up with Capes for a few drinks and gathered around the campfire nestled in a cool chilled out spot underneath some trees. The group got an Aboriginal orchestra on the go. Capes on the didge, Darren strumming guitar, Eugene banging the bongo, Finto on shaker, Steve playing with himself while Nigel was still trying to convince everyone and anyone that his vegetarian joke was funny. Darren has obviously been spending too much time with Steve as he headed off to bed early without saying a word to anyone. Weird! Unlucky for him tho, the chef arrived out 15mins later with what must have been the rest of Darren’s dinner. Scotland’s version of Jamie Oliver only stoned cooked some very tasty casserole toasted sandwiches over the campfire. Tasty! The aussie birds almost made the best decision of their lives and went to bed but were persuaded to stay. We wound down the best day of the West coast with a song or two from The Pogue’s and headed back to our own campsite.

Singing Celine Dion's new hit "poker face"

If its banter you’re looking for check out our video of us running round the Pinnacles bollock naked! – click here

Day 9 -> 1/8/09

Woke up to Michael Flatley and crew doing the Riverdance on my bangin head, Ah the old Goon Hangovers! I’m sure people have died from them. Darren was safe, he was still drunk. As he skipped around the kitchen making breakfast the rest of us sat chins firmly planted on the floor, first time we had seen one of the Greaney Brothers surface before midday. After a breakfast fit for Prince Leonard himself we jumped in the cars but only after getting the recipe for Roslyn’s Rocky Road dessert.

Leaving Kalbarri the cars had hit 1000km mark bringing the Tercel to 402830km, that’s more than Britney Spears has on her! No call for celebration mind. Going by the map we should only have touched the 600km by this stage, but with detours wrong turns and goon trips included we had racked up the extra 400km. So fuel calculations out the window we drove on.

Hay Street United F.C.

Not too much to see on the trip that day, however Eugene while gazing out the window no doubt pining for Ronaldo. Not the fat Brazilian one but the one who woke up one morning and realised he was playing for a crap team and fecked off to Spain! Little did he know his glittering career as a Galactico’s ‘legend’ would begin in Tallaght against Shamrock ‘bleedin’ Rovers. Starry Bud! Hay Street United would whip them anyday. Anyways Eugene spotted one of the strangest things we had ever seen. Where the sky met the ocean it was impossible to tell where one started and the other stopped. Both colours were identical!

Sea meets Sky

We skipped through Denham and on to Monkey Mia. We arrived at the Monkey Mia Resort ($9 per adult holiday pass) and then headed to the campsite. On the way through reception we met Hamish ‘broke back mountain’ McGregor. The resort let us camp for free. VIPs don’t you know! After setting up tents we copped that we were out of goon. It was decided that myself and Finto ‘were the men to drive the van’ on the 60km round trip back to Denham to get goon while the Galway lads did the cooking.

By the time we arrived back with the goon the lads had prepared a meal Gordon Ramsey would have been proud of, when he was five! I think Darren was going for the soak overnight method of cooking pasta. In fairness the cookers were running on triple A batteries. Eugene had already jumped ship and went for the obligatory bag of chips. Undercooked pasta doesn’t get the better of Darren ‘eats anything for money’ Greaney. I once asked him would he eat my snot for 20 bucks. He said “I would”. I honestly think he would have! Stevo not to be out done polished off his and Eugene’s portion of slop, Legend! I owe him 5 bucks for that one.

Amy & Rachel the Winners of the Western Australia Lovely Girls Competition, asked us over for drinks. Eugene the Jim Carey fan that he is wanted to wave the bus on. He was told where to go! So off we went to the beach; buckets off goon and spades in hand to meet the Irish lads, Niall, Shane & Jimmy along with the Liverpool girls. Drinking goon happy out but as Tyrone pointed out “Duurn” kept putting out the fire. It wouldn’t be a campfire without two surfer dudes buzzing in the background talking complete crap no doubt itching to get all gnarly and throw shit on the fire and maybe even throw shit on that shit and well you know where this is going…. Great night finished up at about o clock, headed back to the tent and my lovely air bed minus the air. Pricks!

Distance Travelled: 395km (Total Distance 1392km).

Day 6 -> 8 29/07/09 -> 31/07/09

The 3 musketeers

I’ll tell ya something for nothing, Jesus had an easier task of raising Lazurus from the dead than we do of getting Eugene out of the bed. Into the kitchen for a mountain of porridge, ya’d get better in a Siberian prison camp. After the previous night’s kind donation of 12 eggs from the fridge, there was a bit of ducking and diving to be done around the campsite.

The day began like the last, with the sun beating down and not a cloud to be seen. So off we went to see Rick and Roslyn at The Big River Ranch about 2km from the town. Checked the bags in and spent the morning appreciating the unreal surroundings, and playing soccer tennis. The Greaneys lost again to Christy Brown (Steve) and Bobby Bouche (Fintan). Don’t ask. We were delighted with the accommodation after spending the last few days sleeping on the hard ground in our tent. Facilities were top drawer, lovely dorm, swimming pool, volley ball court and quality cooking area. Given the place is one of the cheapest in town it’s an absolute bargain!

Chillin back at the ranch

So up to the horse riding stable to get fitted out for the John Wayne impersonations. We all get our horse riding helmets apart from Finto who had to get a wheelie bin and a load of duct tape. Bless! So up on Patrick, Bob, Flash, Herbie and Big Arnie and off we went. Patrick was a bit like the Turcel, just wouldn’t go. Herbie was a bit like Darren, struggled with the flatulence and Bob was like Nigel, ugly. Have to say that when Patrick took off first on the canter Eug had to check the underpants for some of that Rocky Road dessert, lucky escape. We were expecting to be led around like 12 year old girls at a summer camp but fair play to Rick he had us cantering and trotting within minutes. Quality stuff! We galloped around the Murchison River banks for a full 2 hours. The scenery was like something straight out of a western movie. Eugene thought he was Denzel Washington in “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.”

Watch the horse standing Darrens toe

After that it was time to make the most of the sunshine and check out the Murchison River gorges in Kalbarri national park. We weren’t there 2 minutes when we met Mr Ireland himself, with the big “I love suncream” head on him, warning us that you can get burnt by the sun. Lucky charms eating bastard! After meeting Mr Ireland, we bump into Ned Kelly himself. And there were we thinking he was dead. Darren is gona send him on an Irish number plate by email. See quote of the day for more info. He actually is that unreal at PCs that he can send a number plate through the internet. Then Ned turns to Finto and asks him for a didgeridoo because he thinks he’s an Aboriginal.

The naturist at Nature's Window

We stopped off at Natures Window on the way down to the gorges, some spot for breath taking views. There was an 8km walk to do around the gorges but we decided we needed a swim. So again Bear McGrylls led the way down the gorge, compass in hand. After a pretty cold swim and Nigel thinking there was no one around – he decided to strip off and get into the dry clothes. Only to turn around to see two shocked pensioners who laughed and pointed at his meat and two veg, saying “My grandson just done his Holy Communion and his is bigger than that!”. In fairness to him, the water was pretty cold.

Times are tough when you're cleaning the jocks in a river

The evening finished with a nice curry followed by a few cold beers with some of the friendly staff and other backpackers by the campfire. Typical of the staff at the ‘Big River Ranch’, Roslyn produced the goods and brought some of her famous Rocky Road dessert, which even a local commented that it was the best he had ever tasted.

A tour bus pulls in. A motley crew they are to say the least. Finto tries the didgeridoo and he’s not half bad but that’s to be expected given his Aboriginal roots. Everyone keeps staring at Steve wondering is that actually him or the Madame Tussauds version (see pic below).

Steve "Madame Tussauds" Creaven

We manage to get a lift into town in the search of banter but are disappointed with the similarites with Ballindine on the Galway/Mayo border – ghost town. . Good craic, great day. Steve hasn’t fallen in love today.

Quote of the day:
After being asked by an Aussie who collects number plates, Darren replies “ya no bother, sure I could email it onto ya.”

Finto looking for the nearest McDonalds

Distance Travelled: 96km (Total Distance 997km).

Thats Nigel standing up

Just before we reached Kalbarri we stopped off at the Grandstand viewpoint. Finto being the Irish Bear Grylls, and Eugene thinking he was Finto’s cousin (Fintan claims his cousin was McGuyver’s stuntman) decided to attack the cliff downwards, wearing only a pair of cheap flip flops. Lads thought they were being pure hard trying to impress a couple of old grannies.

We all made it to the bottom after a wee bit of slipping and sliding. But it was well worth it once we got down as the views of the shoreline and waves were top notch. Eventually we made it back to the top in one piece, bones intact. However, Eugene struggled as he’s the only man in the world without born without calf muscles.

Not so much of a laugh getting back to the top

On into Kalbarri we went to set up camp for the night. We decided we deserved a treat and checked into the Anchorage campsite on the outskirts of town. Looks like a decent spot too with BBQ, pool, decent kitchen and hot showers. Unloading the car Nigel said “Feic it lads, lets hit the goon”. We said may as well, but we were wondering what brought on the sudden urge. Then we turned around and low and behold, there were 3 birds setting up tent next to us.

As it was still early in the afternoon, we decided to chance a bit of fishing on Murchison River. Off to the beach we go, Darren casts off and just as he’s reeling the bait back in a seagull flies down from nowhere and robs the bait. Darren being the Minister of Finance decides he’d sooner chase the seagull up the beach than pay for more bait. Sure enough, he managed to wrestle the bait back from gull. That’s why he was elected to this role in January 09.

Whats that Skip, there's a truck coming?

We continued on with the fishing and sure enough Nigel was losing more and more bait, weight and hooks as the evening wore on. So his fishing stats to date are: Caught 1, Lost 6. Retirement could be recommended.

Back to the campsite demoralised at the zero fish caught and the amount of equipment lost. We needed a bit of a lift so we picked up 3 boxes of goon, and 2 kilos of chips. Do ya honestly need to know who’s idea it was for the chips!? Just as we cracked open the goon, who pulls up but the 3 girls c**k blocking boyfriends. Plan B, lads session and a bit of banter. We tore into the vino like there was a shortage of it, and sure enough the mid night hunger struck. Into the kitchen we go to rustle up a feast of scrambled eggs and beans, kindly donated by our fellow campers. No milk for the eggs, so you can imagine the fine smells that would have been deposited later that night.

So off to the cot we go for another sleepless night in Arctic conditions.

Distance Travelled: 254km (Total Distance 901km).

Day 5 Morning – 28/07/09

Greenough River to Hutt River Province

Meeting the artist formerly known as Prince Leonard

The day started as any other, waking up with the two big toes frozen and taking nearly 2 hours to thaw out. The reason behind this is because like the two Einsteins we are (Darren and Steve), we decided to only bring a gammy blanket to go camping, ideal for Arctic conditions! The 3 other boys prepared right and have the thermal sleeping bags.

Surprisingly Steve was the first up and not the two insomniacs from Dundalk. 8 bells had rang on the clock but we knew it was well too early for our resident sleepers Darren and Eugene to get up. We knew the only way to get them up would be to tell them that it was 10am. Well the look on their face when they found out later was of pure disgust.

It was that time of the day again to pack up the Magna and Turcel and hit the road to Kalbarri. On route to Kalbarri, we decided to take a detour into another country which went by the name of the Hutt River Province. True to form Finto couldn’t hold yet another Hungry Jacks in his pants and had to use a man made toilet on the side of the road which, size wise, would have only suited a hobbit.

He would’ve but there was no toilet paper!

So bout 2 hours later we landed in the province. But before we could go any further we had to get the passports stamped by Prince Leonard Casley, who turned out to be an absolute gent, very informative and humorous character. He then gave us a detailed explanation on how he seceded from Australia and the Commonwealth because he was disgusted with Australia’s new taxation quotas on wheat production. His struggle for independence was exactly like Irelands, except it didn’t take 800 years and there was no bloodshed!

The date he won his independence

He showed us around the grounds including his very own church containing great paintings of Jesus. Also in the portraits were some of his sons and close friends. According to the Prince, he is the only one who has been allowed to have his face alongside the Pope on a stamp. He has had his own currency printed and also has received some interesting gifts from dignitaries from around the world. He even has his own national anthem.

The map the Polski's sent him

We then got to sit in the Prince’s chair. Nigel was first up but with him being short and all, we needed to give him a leg up. Finto was next up but we struggled to get his forehead in the picture, even when standing at the back of the church. Darren then stepped up to the plate but after looking at the picture his eyebrows could easily have been mistaken for the Ozzie bush. Lastly, Eugene would’ve been more suited to the Princess’s chair!

Eugene trying out the Princess' chair

All in all it was a great tour and was savage to meet the man himself. Definitely worth the extra mileage and twas good getting another passport stamp to add to the collection. Onwards to Kalbarri we go…

Day 4 – 27/07/09

Geraldton to Greenough River

Just like a salmon, except tiny and tasted completely different

Woke up around 9am, no one had a great sleep because of Eugene’s snoring. But the sun was soon shining and the porridge on the stove so spirits were high. The Greaney brothers (Darren and Eugene) ducked and dived around the campsite as usual, trying to avoid work while the rest of the boys packed the gear into the cars. Like sardines in a can, we left the Belair campsite, with a frying pan and freezer bag kindly donated by the management.

We decided to go fishing and not knowing anything about it, we decided to go into local bait shop, Tackle World, (email: tackleworld@westnet.com.au) to see what we could find out. Bout an hour later after some serious head scratching, question asking and a quick but useful lesson from local pig hunter “Shrek”, we were ready to cast off.

Quick spin out to the Greenough river, the usual peanut butter and jam sambos were consumed. We got the rods ready, which was a far more complicated task than we anticipated. The fishing wasn’t going on too long and there was hooks and bait lost, endless amounts of knots in the lines. Meanwhile, Eugene was asleep on the beach dreaming of chips.

Not much fishing going on, just untangling knots

Unfortunately Steve’s fishing career came to an early end after getting a hook caught in his massive bottom lip. Nigel took to fishing quickly and sure enough had something biting just before the sunset, and struggled to reel the monster in. It would remind you of them massive fish you would see on a fishing programme on the National Geographic… Expect it was tiny.

Fishing while doing the hamstring stretch

So with the fish in hand we headed back to the campsite feeling like the lads from “Deadliest Catch”. Ireland’s answer to Bear Grylls soon had it beheaded and gutted. Darren wanted to sell the decapitated fish to the local blind kid as a pet for extra money for our kitty. We convinced him (eventually) that this was wrong and had fresh whiting on the campfire. It was that good that we ate the skin and all.

Roadside Camping

Into the tents for another night of farting, freezing and snoring.

Distance Travelled: 22km (Total Distance 647km).

Day 3 – 26/7/09

Cervantes to Geraldton

Woke at about 9 after freezing our balls off in Eugene’s tent or Wendy house as Finto has dubbed it. Eugene got up about 12, no doubt afraid to be seen in public with that freakish mop of red hair (couldn’t blame him). He swears blind he was in a Timotei advert when he was 16. Packed up the gear said goodbye to the German’s daughter on the banks of the river Rhine and hit the road.

Our first stop was just up the road at Molah hill. Class spot for photos, if we bothered to charge the camera! Still it’s one less photo with that weird man Steve in it. Didn’t spend much time here, jumped back in the cars and headed for Geraldton. Passed the ‘leaning tree’, it looked bent to us. Stopped in a nice wee town called Dongara for a few peanut butter and jelly sambo’s (as they say in the states). The ground over here is a lot harder than muddy fields back home so we bought a badly needed hammer for banging in the tent pegs.

Arrived at the Belair Campsite at about 3 o’clock ($44 for 5 in a tent and 1 car). We managed to sneak the Tercel in as well. It looked well at home among the $200,000 Winnebago’s. We set up camp and headed into Geraldton town, to the Freemason’s bar. No such thing as a Sunday session in Freemason’s, nearly tripped on a tumbleweed on the way to the bar! Efforts to chat to the barmaid were abruptly put to an end by the angry old manager. So back to the campsite, food in the bellies, long overdue shower and sat down to watch Mission: Impossible 3 on a dodgy black and white TV in the games room, Tom Cruise what a legend!!! (wasn’t as good as his performance in Gladiator tho)

Distance travelled: 240km (625km)